I don't like the taste of my foot in my mouth...

You know that feeling when something bothers you? Not just a bothersome thing, but something that overtakes your body with emotion. You get so worked up and no matter what the circumstances or consequences are, THAT matter which you are so worked up over is the most important thing. Nothing else matters. Nothing you say will ever be regretted. You feel so much rage and passion for that one thing that you know you can say whatever you feel and be fine with it, one hour later, one day later, or one week later.

The only problem is. Whatever you do or say always matters. You are always racked with guilt and regret and this big matter you got so worked up about really doesn't matter too much. You just made a big deal out of nothing and an even bigger idiot of yourself.

Well. I know the feeling. Oh too well.

You see, I haven't taken the full blown color code test- but I have taken mini tests that correspond. My results tell me that I am a blue person. This means a lot of things, but one thing that is somewhat parallel to this post is blue personalities are very much emotion driven.

Oh this is SO me. I completely let my emotions overcome me. It can be terrible. Namely, in situations like the one listed above. I can't even control how I feel and I just know that I am right, no matter if I hurt someone or not.

Here's the thing. Hurting someone, never right. Someone you love, even more wrong.

So I'm setting a goal. To THINK before I FEEL. Not always, but mostly. So I avoid awkward and awful situations and I don't have to get myself out of any holes. Well, or just less holes.

The biggest problem is, I also have this slightly stubborn side. You could at times call me Stubborn Sally. So once I do commit these awful transgressions, I struggle with facing the consequences laid before me. That should probably be another goal, to be less stubborn.

Change is not easy. But sometimes necessary. The world sure as heck doesn't revolve around me. I am still alive. Still just fine. I just need some patience. Less stubbornness. And maybe more tact. Just for some prevention against nights like these.

It's probably better to not cry over things that don't matter in the first place and definitely not TWICE just because you made yourself cry for being dumb. I do this to myself. Oops.

So dear person who I accidentally became enraged at, I publicly (as public as this blog is) apologize to you. I know you know this blue attribute I have, so please forgive me for acting that way.

Try to remember I'm very much so, well, a human being.

Not an excuse, but still. I am working on it. And I'm very excited. REGARDLESS of anything else.

:) You know what I mean.